Not only is she the most awesome co-host a girl could ask for, she’s also a guest posting/guest reviewing ninja. Yes, I’m talking about Kelly of Reading the Paranormal!
Kelly constantly wows me. Before I can finish saying, “Hey, look! Free Book on Amazon,” Kelly’s read it. That’s why I forced her to be my co-host of the Why Buy the Cow? RC. But Kelly’s talents don’t end there! She’s also a very creative storyteller, and today she’s here to share a story with us!
When I sat down to write this, I made up a list of all the things I do when I’m not reading and… well, the list made me look an awful lot like a stalker – which is true in @Rehvenge_BDB‘s case but… yeah, nevermind, I’m a stalker. The point being that I don’t want to be remembered as *just* a stalker. I’m sure I do deep, introspective things upon occasion that don’t involve sending dirty pictures via Tumblr to my friends and vampiric crush. I just have to whittle out the stalker-y things to get to the non-stalker-y things, right?
I’m sure I can figure this out…
…
Umm….
…
Shh. I’m still thinking….
…
Okay. I’m beginning to see an inherent flaw in my non-stalking reasoning. I’ve decided to tell you a story, instead.
Once upon a time there was this fair maiden who lived in a windswept castle. Like that one over yonder –>
She was one of those girls who liked to make things and had the occasional spark of creativity to go along with that desire. She loved social media, especially Twitter, and could spend hours at a time talking to people. She made up stories in her head and wrote them down when the muse prodded her enough (and in November when the NaNoWriMo festival was in full swing). Zombie movies fascinated her, her Photoshop creations kept her laughing, and her son grew up to be the type of kid she liked hanging around (even if he rolled his eyes when she asked him to watch those bad zombie movies with her).
Whatever you may have heard, she DID NOT stalk any vampires on Twitter or Tumblr. In fact, this word “stalk” is foreign to her and I’m sure she has no idea what it means (she’s distressingly mono-lingual, as it turns out). She at no point compiled pictures of half-naked men to spam her Twitter feed with. And she most CERTAINLY did not use Tumblr to send any pictures of random half-naked people (doing sometimes naughty things) to her beloved @Rehvenge_BDB to remind him that she’s waiting for him in an agony of unrequited longing. Nope. Never happened.
Now, this fair maiden (who liked to fiddle with her hair color and dye it shades of red not found in nature) did have a rather dirty mind. At least that’s what everyone told her. She’s not convinced. It seemed as pure as the driven snow when she examined it. She has provided some of her Photoshop creations so that others can decide if her mind is a wee bit filthy…
Oh, gosh! She sure did have fun making those. What do you think, gentle readers? Is her mind firmly entrenched in filth as those around her claim or she truly as pure as the driven snow? You decide.
Therein ends our tale!
See! I knew I could find SOMETHING about me that didn’t make me look like a creeper. I mean, I don’t look like a creeper, do I? Anyone? Missie?
Kelly, First, Team #NakedWerewolf! Second, if you think you’re a creeper then I shudder to think of what I look like. Third, how do I get a lifetime validation for a gutter pass?
When I’m Not Reading is a feature used to spotlight book bloggers I follow. Missed a featured book blogger? No worries, check out past guest posts here: Featured on When I’m Not Reading.
This is definitely one of the most awesomeness guest post ever!!! Totally made my day – girl you are hilarious and so talented!! Glad missie introduced you to me
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Haha, I love the pics! Sounds like an awesome girl!
Megan @ Storybook Love Affair
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Oh, Missie, you are continuing the spreading of the Kelly love this week! I approve.
I <3 Kelly like whoa.
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LOL- that was a riot…:) Nice meeting you Kelly!!
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LOOOOOOOL!!! Kelly, I don't know how I'm not following you yet! *runs over to follow your blog* (No, I'm not trying to be a stalker too LOL — although I don't think you're creepy at all!) x) And even though the fair maiden is NOT stalking vampires on Twitter, I think it's safe to say that I would if I had Twitter!
Love love LOVE your post, Kelly! You're a master storyteller! <3
P.S. That castle looks ominous. Are there vampires in it?
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haha! Love your story Kelly, and your dirty Photoshop creations. Who knew Photoshop could be so…sexy? lol Anyways, awesome post!
♥ Sarah @ I'm Loving Books
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LOL! Nice meeting you, Kelly.
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Boy does she have some talent with Photoshop! One of the most entertaining guest posts I've read in a long while. And how awesome is her son to indulge in bad zombie movies with her even though he rolls his eyes?
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Thank you! I'm glad Missie tapped me as part of this feature!
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Those two pics are two of my favorites. Nothing says awesome like innuendo-laden pictures!
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Isa is calling this my blog tour since I'm spreading myself around the internet so liberally this week.
Wait. What?
*whispers* I <3 you like whoa, too!
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Thank you! Nice meeting you, too!
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You don't have Twitter? SACRILEGE! Get thee hence and tweet!
Are their vampires in that castle? Hmm… yes. Vampires and #NakedWerewolves (my favorite kind of werewolf, btw).
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Photoshop, opening minds (and legs… err, hearts) everywhere.
Thank you!
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It's nice being met!
*high five*
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I don't like to brag, but half of my son's genes came from me. *buffs nails* Apparently he didn't get the half that adores bad zombie movies, however. Huh.
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“She's not convinced. It seemed as pure as the driven snow when she examined it.”
I'm so glad you brought this up Kelly, because when I examined my own mind, it came out lily white and chock-full of innocence too! What are the odds? It's nice to know there are others out there like me who just revel in cleanliness and never stalk any members of the Black Dagger Brotherhood, and of course, absolutely never EVER compile pictures of half naked men to drool over. Partners in the pristine Kelly! *high five*
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*tackle hugs Kelly* *now tackle hugs Missie*
You girls are ROCKSAUCE! Kelly is so ruling the blogosphere this week and I'm loving it
♥Isalys / Book Soulmates
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YES! *high fives you x 50*
*jots down a note about using “lily white and chock-full of innocence” the next time I have to convince someone my mind is not in the gutter*
I'm glad to see there are others out there just.like.me.
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*tackle hugs my Isa*
Sadly, after this post, I have nothing else lined up. *sad face* But I've had soooo much fun with all these guest reviews and guest posts. Lol! I should do them more often!
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I'm loving the pics right now and laughing so hard at the Gutter Pass one.
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LOL! I do love the pics and my mind is ALWAYS in the gutter
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Hah hah, this post is hilarious! I love it when someone's personality comes through so clearly in her writing. It's so fun to see how differently everyone approaches this feature. Um…and I wish I were a fair maiden who lived in a windswept castle.
Wendy @ The Midnight Garden
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The Gutter Pass one was inspired. That's what happens when all your Twitter friends are pervs. =)
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Lol! Mine, too! *high five*
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You can come visit me in *my* windswept castle, if you'd like. But hands off @Rehvenge_BDB. He's all mine!
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Haha, amazing! This is my favorite When I'm Not Reading post so far, mostly because I think I'd write something pretty similar.
I was JUST taking to Lisa (my co-blogger) and she asked me: 'Are you really stalking ALL those people?' LOL
I'm with you, Kelly: keeping an eye on people is NOT stalking, and we'd never do that, right?
(Maybe, if I could stalk Curran… nothing better than stalking a very big cat.
)
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Terrific! Such talent with photoshop! I had to look long and hard to see what the pictures actually were because my gutter mind could only see them one way. Kelly ought to make some Rorshach pictures!
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So fun, it was an amazing post! Thank you so much for sharing. You're pictures are really great, I don't think I could have some ideas like that.
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Hee hee I love those bottles, that's truly inspired. Of course like you my mind is pure and unsullied so it took me ages to figure out they could be anything other than bottles. Not.
Time to check out your blog I think, great post.
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Wait… is that the hulk's arse?
Oh no, it can't be.. I'm too innocent to think like that. *cough* Yes, innocent!!!
So many passes… so little time. ;D
Love the post!!
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Keeping an eye on people FOR THEIR OWN GOOD! I'm looking out for Rehv, really. Making sure no one gets the drop on him. I can't do that without prolonged staring sessions, can I?
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Gutter Minds, Unite!
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The muse strikes hard and often with me and Photoshop.
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*snort* Yup. I've been hanging out with The Hulk lately and I asked him if I could take some *tasteful* nude photos. He's such a sport, isn't he?
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Thank you! I have to give credit to my Twitter partners in crime for helping with the creation of those, though. They are amazing peeps who always keep me on my toes!
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LOL, omg! That is hilarious. And awesome! Those official gutter passes… *giggles*
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Omg, what a hilarious post! I love the pictures; the Gutter Pass one is too funny. Missie, I think you need one of those.
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Oh, holy crap! I LOVE that Gutter pass–especially because it took me a second to realize the green ass was really a pair of bottles. Excellent story with a happy ending (of course, it would be happier if you could get your hands on that elusive Rehvenge but take what you can get, right?).
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LOL! Oh my goodness! Love those pics.
Nice to meet you! 
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The Gutter Pass is a favorite of mine!
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Missie really does need one of them, doesn't she?
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Exactly. Although, I did write a guest post one time where Rehv and I ended up living together with my horde of #NakedWerewolves. Oh, good times. Good times.
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Lol! Thank you! And nice to meet you, too!
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OMG!!! I NEED A GUTTER PASS… Just sayin.
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Anything for you, bebe. You are one of my guttery peeps!
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Okay, that was seriously awesome and way too funny! Totally love this chick! Gonna head to her blog right now…
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Kelly has the best tumblr EVER! And one of the dirtiest minds around. <3
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*curtsies* Why, thank you!
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I do enjoy my Tumblr. I makes me smile. Although I haven't been posting as much lately. I told Rehv that he needs to spend more time in my TL so the inspiration would flow. So to speak.
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Those bottles! OMG! Laughing so hard right now!
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Lol! Right? That was my thought when I saw that pic!
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This chick RULED the blogosphere this week!! Kelly is rocksauce!
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*high five*
It's funny how I wrote most of these weeks ago and they all happened to post during the same week. Lol!
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